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| I am getting that urge to write again, which is a great thing. I look back and remember those countless times (before Facebook come into existence) when I couldn't wait to come home to get on the computer to come write here. Comment on people's posts and look at the comments I got. Only now, I am getting excited to just put my thoughts out here and give myself interesting things to do, so I can test the limits of my being, or just airing my thoughts on a routine basis to gain perspective and focus on the path.
My recent posts are so scattered its like a plot diagram of of some totally random event occurring and it sorta sheds light on where my mind has been taking me. Its always an extreme, either happy or sad, there is not a flat line, per say. And one of the major factors of that being is the non-existence of faith in my life. Before, I felt that faith in the deep rooted sense of belonging that I got from my family (mom in particular) and my passion to go forth, and now both of that sentiments have gone awry. Its a slow process, but I do intend to build it back up and take me to new heights, propelled by my passion and my faith.
I tend to give people in my life, other than my family, especially women more importance than I should be for my well being. Maybe, it is who I am or who I have become, and more importantly, maybe its not a totally bad thing. But, it definitely comes through as a hindrance when it exhausts my mind by constantly running through it, and pushes out all other emotion, more important to this context - Passion. Again, this is attributed to noone but myself, and it has to be a self evolving experience.
Things to do for today:
1) Push out any thought of woman/en who you think about out your mind for one day.
2) Let go of on of your fears by putting it in the hands of a superior being and being comfortable with whatever the outcome of this will be.
3) Be truthful to everyone for one day, no matter who they are or what they ask.
4) Spend 15 mins with dad today
5) Do one thing that you haven't done in the past one year that excites you.
If I were to love,
I would like to Love like the Good Lord.
If I were to live,
I would like to live to love.
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| I have been told my major problem is follow through....so I am going to fix that first. This is my very own makeover series, where I set short term goals and get to them. I need to get my life back on the track that I intended to take it on, rather than let the world lead my life to whatever path it chooses.
This will require some assistance from people out there...so please feel free to help me out with suggestions of your own....here we go.
DAY 1
- Write down ten items on your bucket list of things to do before you die.
- Set a timeline for your weight reduction and healthy lifestyle regimen
- Tell 5 people that you care about, how much you care about them.
- Spend 10 mins with dad talking about stuff
- Compliment one stranger of the opposite sex
Today, I feel very blah...I am going to change that around. I wait for things to happen rather than taking the reins in my hand and making things happen. I wish for too many things, but don't work towards getting them, be it products, people, feelings, goals....now that all changes.
: Edit 1 :
I just remember, I THINK too much....I always need to know WHY something is what it is, rather than go with the flow. I say I go with the flow, but I never do. This is going to be part of week 1...how I am going to incorporate it...I am yet to think that up.
1) Spent my QT with dad. Although spent the next five minutes yelling at him, because he locked the door and took a long shower, when I was banging at the door when he didn't answer. Oh, I freak out too quickly too...patience, it needs to be cultivated.
2) Told three people I care about that I care about them....need to do two more before tomorrow's update. Its not as easy as it may seem to TELL someone they mean a lot to you. It brings a whole lotta awkwardness to the environment.
: Edit 2 :
Spoke to one other person and let them know how much they meant to me. I need to tell one last person, which I will do today. It was awkward the first three people, but then it felt great telling the fourth person, an I am sure the fifth person as well. It sorta makes your day and their day to know, rather than have it implied you know.
Complemented a stranger on how she was dressed very retro in Bahrain. Not many people dressed like tree huggers....not to mention not many who can pull it off good.
Still working on timeline and bucket list. Should be done by post numero dos today.
: Edit 3 :
4) The date that I want to be 89 kgs or less is March 20th, 2010. I will make it happen.
5) 10 Things I want to accomplish before dying:
- Visit atleast 20 states in India
- See the Great Wall of China
- Master one other language that is not of Indian Origin
- Fall in love with a person and be with them till the end of my time
- Visiting atleast one country in 6 continents
- Write a book of my pieces and try to get it published
- Run a marathon
- Learn to drive a stick shift and ride a motorbike
- Go up in a plane and possibly control it for a while
- Visit a vineyard in France and a distillery in Scotland
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| I had a great day and night. Spent the day studying and getting some sun and pool fun in. And then sat down to write my first Stand Up Comedy act. Performed to a packed crowd who liked my stuff, which was great. Whats better is I started my first comedic riot, when I cracked a joke about an experience in Saudi. It was interesting....and I didn't win, but then ended up enjoying the stage again, after a very long time.
On an other note, I did some self thinking about how I react with women and why I am still single. I make decisions like I want to be someone's friend, when I clearly want to be more than a friend. Do I stick to my decision of hanging with her as a friend, even after she said no to take it to another step?
Somedays I feel that I am that NICE guy who always for the unavailable girl. I never find someone who is single attractive or worth talking. Or atleast I thought this, but lately, I am beginning to feel its the way I come on to women. The more understanding person, who they can talk to about anything. This doesn't bode well, as they then see me as a friend rather than more than a friend.
I am always told be myself....but being myself hasn't got me anywhere. Maybe its time I am not myself....even if it means losing friendships. Do I stick to my own advise of letting things go and if they are meant to be, then it will come back to me.
I am confused.
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| Its a good feeling....happiness. I felt that again today, and the source of that happiness was a common friend of ours....XANGA !!!
It was great reading my first post, way back in 2003, when I first started blogging. I used it as a way to keep in touch with people, this was way before Facebook/Twitter made their debut. It was a great way to air out my thoughts and also improve my writing. Come to think of it, if you go through the posts, you can see the progression of my writing and how it has evolved. That made me smile....having a record of my growth as a person and my skill of writing, is great.
Life is good again....for now. I need to keep at reminding myself of the good times and my feelings through those times, cuz its very hard not to feel good about it. And in conjunction with that I am also going to take things as they come...live the motto of my oldest t-shirt....NO FEAR !!!!
I can Do It !
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| So, I have had another one of those epiphany-filled afternoons, where the variety of thoughts that pass through my head could paint a picture no rainbow could. Ranging from my goals in life, my strengths, my weaknesses, my plan to combat my weaknesses, my regrets, things missing from my life, things I am thankful for, etc. etc. As aforementioned, colorful would be an understatement.
So the first of these thoughts, and my biggest checkbox, are about my fears. Starting with my hypochondriac tendencies to relate all issues to varying measures of death. Be it an indigestion attack or a strain in my neck from sleeping all the time. These fears have taken over the creative part of my brain, and led to me spending countless hours just lying in bed or in front of the tv, which could be spent exploring the world that is around me. Then the immediate fear to follow, is that of the unknown, of what could, and what ifs....I need it to stop.
I NEED to hold life by horns and brace myself for whatever it throws my way...which will be a lot. I can't be stuck in this bubble of always having everything planned out and having everything taken out. I want to have some unknowns, that's the fun part of life.
I am lost, as to how I am going to accomplish this, but I am sure it will come to me...in pieces.
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